November 09, 2012
25 Reasons We Didn't Call/Text You Back
1. Because we're not dating.
2. Because you told me to return the pool balls while you went to the bathroom... and I ended up paying $70 for your drinks and game of pool.
3. Because you didn't pay for my $5 beer..that came with free pizza.
4. Because it was a first date and you used a Groupon.
5. Because you smelled and tasted like your fruity gum.
6. Because you left a rose on my doorstep with a card that read "signed, with the intent to love."
7. Because you did not resemble your Facebook photos.
8. Because you brought up your ex..multiple times.
9. Because you had a small dick.
10. Because you told me you didn't know why I was out with you. I don't know why I was either.
11. Because you brought up the proctologist.
12. Because you have the inability to laugh and/or tell a joke.
13. Because you got wasted and puked on our date.
14. Because I gave you a blowie and you couldn't find my clit with a map and a flashlight.
15. Because you stared at me and called me pretty...weird.
16. Because I decided to ask our bartender for his number instead.
17. Because you were cute when we were sitting down...but once you stood up I could've fit you in my pocket.
18. Because you brush off the inability to get it up because you were coming off a coke high.
19. Because you clearly smoked a lot of weed before our date.
20. Because after we made out and I left you proceeded to hit on BOTH of my best friends.
21. Because you had a speech impediment.
22. Because you were on your cell phone the entire time.
23. Because when I told you I had a good time at the end of the date you responded, "Did you really?!"
24. Because you debated with me reasons why we should be having sex even after I said hell no.
25. Because your credit card was declined.
Yea... this happened.